Monday, April 20, 2009

I Fixed It!!

Word of the Day:
Retard
Verb
to delay or slow down (the progress or development) [Latin retardare]

I guess I better Keep it Simple Stupid, huh? No more fancy templates for me! It only gives me a headache!!

On to better and funnier things!

So Princess and I are driving back to PA after visiting our parents in MD last night and we see this crazy motorcyclist go weaving in and out of traffic. We began discussing our latent desires to ride a motorcycle, except for a few things: fear and money. We are a little afraid (although my father rode one back in the day and so does my uncle/godfather) and I frankly don't understand the lack of helmet laws in PA! Actually, there is a law: you don't have to wear one once you've been riding one whole year!!! Because what, the chance of someone else hitting you goes down somehow? WARNING: Graphic image. All I can think about is my poor noggin hitting the hard asphalt and breaking open like a melon. ewwwww. Not to mention painful and, you know, deadly.

The money issue is of course that we don't have the money for another vehicle payment and more insurance. I thought briefly of trading in my Mountaineer, but then, I'm pretty sure they are unbending on the No-two-year-olds-on-the-back-of-motorcycles law... so that was a no-go.

Then we were discussing the comfort level of a bike and how we probably wouldn't be using it for long-term driving, only local trips. However, upon more thought, I realized I only drive locally for:

1. Grocery shopping. Not feasible for obvious reasons.

2. Library. Maybe. As long as I had a contraption on the back, a compartment thingie to put my books in. Or I guess I could just wear a backpack. But who rides their motorcycle to the library?? That's totally not cool. Then how do I juggle holding books AND my bulky helmet (helmet law or no, I'm protecting my melon....in a very cool, non-hair smashing type of way)

3. Haircut. Again, unfeasible!! If I don't wear a helmet, it will get more than a little wind-blown; I'd get blasted and all semblance of original styling will be lost...on the other hand, my stylist doesn't typically style it like I want it, so maybe wind-blasted would be an improvement.

Anything else are usually family activities, like running errands or going to dinner...I just don't know when I would use it!!

Also, I couldn't drive at night.

I know, I sound like my 85 year old grandmother, but seriously, if I wanted to ride at night on a motorcycle, I would be the one with reflective tape all over everything. A few stripes on the back of my sleek black helmet, stripes of it down the back of my cool leather jacket, vertical stripes down the back of my knee-high boots, heck I'd put it on my wheel treads all the way around if I could. People would be driving by going, "look at that freak! she's all tricked out in reflective tape!!"

And learning to ride one? C'mon. I don't drive a stick for a reason. I like to zone out when I drive in an I-have-reflexes-of-lightning-and-fantastic-peripheral-vision kind of way. Can't do that when I need both my feet and both my hands to be changing gears, going forward and braking for God's sake!! I'd be in class, telling the instructor, "Now, can you retard the entire instructional process, then dumb it down some and go from there!" (see, that was used in a non-derogatory fashion, based upon webster's actual definition!)

And just like that, it's lunchtime! Where does the time GO?? Oh, right. Blogging.

so next time, I will recount....paraphrase....a conversation my hubby and I had with my siblings and brother-in-law about use of words that have been in our vocabulary since we were in 8th grade but now seem derogatory, but we have a hard time dropping...and some unrealistic (but funny) alternatives!

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