Thursday, April 9, 2009

Raving Lunatic

So, at the risk of being reported ....to whomever you report nutso cuckoo people, I was a raving lunatic this morning. I was screaming (yes, screaming, I'll not shy away from it) at the kids for everything under the sun. I just wanted them to listen to me! And apparently, I thought they're ears had ceased to function in the last 24 hours and the way to get them to be obedient was to turn up the volume. I succeeded in injuring my vocal chords and scaring the kids. And exhausting myself. And you know why? Because I had the totally unrealistic goal of cleaning uninterrupted. With first 3, and then later, 5 kids in the house.

And I was struggling to get the house all spic and span (and succeeding only in spic-ing it, the span has been left undone) because like a heartbeat the words, "You need to write....you haven't written in 2 weeks....you have all those painting ideas and haven't started on a one....you need to write....hurry up and get the house clean so you can write!....you need to write! You NEED to WRITE!!!!!" was pounding in the backround of my mind. *sigh* I burned my energy out completely. I was exhausted by 10am.

So I took the kids on a walk, which made me feel better, to be outside in the sun, until the kids started bickering over who was going to be at the front of our long train of walkers. And then I lost it, as they'd dashed all hopes of restoring my Catholic zen. We went trudging back home not a quarter of the way through the walk, which went something like this:

Batman: Hold you mom, hold you! (this is his version of "pick me up")

Me: nope. we're out here to get some exercise, we've barely started.

Batman (jumping up and down): NO! Hold you mama! Hold you!!

Me (firmly): No. You need to walk. You're too heavy to carry. Ray-ray, stop letting your coat drag on the ground! Hay-hay and Prime, you're too far ahead!! Slow down!

Batman: Nooooooooo!!! (jumping up and down more fiercely) HOLD ME MAMA!!!! (looks down dejectedly and kicks the ground before running ahead, crying)

Prime is now crying so I look up and he's on the ground, frozen in this awkward position, tears leaking from behind his sunglasses.

Me: what happened??

Prime (wailing): I fell down!!!

I jog up and crouch, pulling him to stand.

Me: what happened?

Prime: Hay-hay pushed me!!!

I look up and Hay-hay is almost a block ahead, hair disheveled, coat nearly off, looking at us with eyebrows up. She is six. I sigh. She likes to be first. Prime just likes to run.

I help Prime up and get us all going again. I feel a tug on my jacket. Here we go again.

Batman: UP Mama!! Hold you!!! (wraps himself around my leg)

I pry him off and give him a gentle push.

Me: go on, we're here to walk.

I hear more screaming. I shade my eyes.

Prime is standing on the sidewalk crying again.

Me (getting exasperated now): what now??

Prime: Hay-hay won't wait for me! She keeps running ahead!

I call to Hay-hay to wait. By the time Prime catches up to her, she is waving her arms and yelling and protesting waiting for Prime when she wants to be first.

Batman is screaming at me to get my attention and yanking in a rough and annoying fashion on coat. Ray-ray is hopping from foot to foot, watching her sister and Prime yelling at each other, saying: Miss Lara? um, um, Miss Lara, Hay-hay just was running and then Prime was just running and and and then PRIME.....

At this point, Prime and Hay-hay have started running again, and like a Mom-seatbelt reflex in the face of an accident, she is shooting out her right arm to catch Prime in the chest, preventing him from going in front of her. They are running down one of many hills in the neighborhood. Third time, Prime stumbles a bit and I suck in a breath, thinking he's going to bite it again. But he catches himself. And then he pauses in his running to give Hay-hay hell for doing it.

Can you guess where this is going?

Me (yelling because they are a block away and I wonder what percentage of people with windows open are actually home as I draw in a deep breath...): THAT'S IT!!!! LET'S GO!! Back home! This walk is OVER!!!!

Seriously, it's not usually so bad! We walk together all the time with no problems!! But I walk to enjoy the many different birdsongs in our neighborhood, to keep an eye out for rabbits, to feel the perpetual wind on our hilltop residence in my (too short) hair. Not to hear kids bickering and not to be interrupted thirty times.....you may have noticed a pattern here: I don't like being interrupted when I'm on a mission or in the zone...I hear that's actually a symptom of ADD....hmmmmm.

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