Sunday, April 26, 2009

Welcome to Fairy Land

I swear to God, my husband thinks fairies come and do the damn dishes, change the bedsheets and clean the bathrooms. He has no concept of all the work I do!! It's very frustrating. For him, I firmly believe it must be like living in a hotel!! I have to knock some sense into him a few times a year and frankly, I don't feel like dealing with it!! I am a very common sense kinda girl. I beat him into submission with common sense. He usually gives over to it, but not this time....

So, I just need to take a page (or ten) to vent here for a moment. And perhaps you can guess where in my "cycle" I am? but I am not in the mood to put up with this (lately) re-occurring problem.

My college friend and her husband came over for dinner last night and gave us a Melaleuca presentation. (I'll be doing a review of those products as soon as I get them and use them!) At one point, they are of course talking about the business side of Melaleuca and about how they are excited to earn some extra money due to a change in their circumstances.

TANGENT!! I am taking care of my BFF's two girls for a monthly fee. I work Mary Kay part-time and now that I am working on writing my book, I basically take in re-orders. And my Mary Kay director and her offspring director have hired me to be their administrative assistants. So far, I'm averaging 16 hours a month on the job and another 4-8 hours a month working from home. So all told, I probably bring in $1000 + a month, without leaving my children!! I try to only do my admin work on-site when Charming is home so I don't pay a sitter my paycheck. So, for example, on a Wednesday, after I've been with 4 kids, fed them, put everyone down for nap, I rush out the door, work two hours at my director's house, bring home work and make dinner. It's rush rush rush from lunchtime to bedtime at least one day a week. Charming works from home every other week. Keep in mind, that on top of one full-time job (babysitting is 7:30am-5:30pm, sometimes later) and 2 part-time jobs, I also am alone 50% of the time. I take care of all the household chores 50% of the time and then 80% of the chores when Charming is home. I do all the finances, the cooking, the laundry, the cleaning, the errands. I made up a chore list: there were 108 chores on it that I do! No lie! Also to bring in some money, I regularly clean out my closet and my children's closets to take stuff to consignment. I either collect the checks or use the store credit to buy my children clothes. I am trying really hard to NOT charge on our credit cards. I meal plan and clip coupons. I have cut our electric bill in half. I work hard to maintain our household. In addition, I am trying to write my first book and get my name out there, via blogging.

Now, in fairness, on the weekends, Charming does try to let me sleep in. He cleans up dishes when I cook (which is most of the time). He feeds the pets (there are 4) most nights when he is home. He bathes the boys every other night when he's home. He puts them down for naps on the weekends. Last summer I had a lawn care service ($60 a month, every other week) but in the interest of saving money, I am not doing that this year. He is very disgruntled about that. He hates doing the lawn now. He complains. He bitches. He whines. But that is seasonal and I have a huge list of items I do all year 'round. And he has said, "we just can't afford a cleaner anymore! I don't know how you're going to do it, but we can't spare $100 a month!" So consequently, we can't afford a lawncare service either! ;)

That being said, he keeps feeling this weird financial pinch (ironic, considering he plugs his ears and says "la la la la I can't hear you!!!" whenever I try to discuss the finances with him. He thinks it's too stressful and it's therefore easier to just dump all the stress of that on me.) and we have a huge fight over the phone about two weeks ago. Which, honestly, we almost never fight. Our status quo is usually ok. Lucky for him, I can practically read his mind. Otherwise, if he'd been fighting with someone else, he would've been hung up on multiple times. He was basically saying that with all the travel of his current job it's very stressful and he's also National Guard which has become more and more demanding. The training weekends are all 3 day overnighters lately, making his schedule (and of course, mine and the boys') very tight at least one week a month. It sucks. He tells me: I'm stretched too thin. I can't earn anymore. Once all the kids are in school, in like three years, we're gonna have to sit down and talk about what you're going to do for a job. (Pause. Are you done gasping?....I'll wait....ok? ok) The man has a problem with thinking of only himself, which is encouraged and enhanced by all the time he spends alone (this is just a theory, but a very important one, as it keeps me from smothering him in his sleep).

SO, all this background info is leading up to this one line he then so wisely chooses to utter in front of my friends:
(patting me on the shoulder) Well, if we had two full-time incomes, we'd be doing a lot better. (cheesy grin, chuckle).

He's still alive.

I know, I'm a saint. I don't know how I do it either! What did I say? (grin) C'mon, you know me, I said something along the lines of:

Not only do you not want to go there with me, you don't want to go there in front of company. In addition, I work three jobs that pay and at least two that don't. So.... you need to shut up.

Later, after they had gone, I said to him:
And if you ever mention me getting a job again, especially in front of company, I am gonna kill you! I'm tired of talking about it!

Him, all innocent:
what? I didn't say anything!

I felt like saying: Well, if you would be so kind as to tell your other personality, the sexist pig one? Yeah, if you could tell him to stop it, I'd appreciate it!

Instead, I repeated what he said verbatim.

He says: I didn't mean anything by it!

Me: don't mention it again. You're making me angry.

(and you don't want to make me angry...)

I'm going to print out my 108 things I do around the house. And I'm going to keep track of everything I do for 2 weeks, wrap it up and give it to him.

And if that doesn't work, I'm going on vacation alone, for about two weeks, and leaving him the boys and a To Do list comparable to what I normally do and see if that works to change his perspective!!!

So there!!
Who's with me?!!


  1. Mike no longer argues with me over the job thing or anything I ask him to do around the house b/c, and I am not exaggerating, in 2004 5 months after Aiden was born I went to Hawaii with my mom and sister for 2 weeks. Mostly b/c I wanted to go but to also prove a point. Needless to say he called 6 times a day stressed out and had to have his parents stay with him the last week. HAHA I do have to remind him sometimes but I win in the end!! Hope this helps.

  2. wow grl more power to you if he was mine i'd a had him nuetered by now! pay attention to that premenstrual wisdom too that's just your deep power letting you know where it's blocked...

  3. Look, both of you have stress in your lives and they come from different sources. Why don't you BOTH be more appreciative of each other because in the end you are doing the things you do for each other and your family! :) Jim Mc.

  4. Look you!! I don't need your snarky comments (I was going to say "sassy" but then that sounded a totally un-prejudicial, I-love-gay-people-kind of way!) I was totally appreciative and totally fine with doing my house-related jobs and craziness but my hubby had to go and SAY something! He screwed up the status quo! I was perfectly happy the way things were! He had to go and mention a job, like I don't already have....four!! so phhhhttttthhhhhhttt!! :) (that was my brother, so I can do that!)

  5. Hey, I was going to say "Jim-Jim is all growed up now!" b/c what he said is valid, mature, and yes, very true. (It's unfortunate that I had to include "mature" in the above, but alot of men still don't get "it"). I would like to add that it is easy to get caught up in the "who has it harder" or "who does more" game...I totally understand that it makes you feel bad, completely devalued, grossly underappreciated and pissed off (ahem, I may have been there myself), when Jay makes comments/statements like that, but I think it's a reflection of the fact that he really feels the pressure of being the primary bread winner, and he wants some of the responsibility taken off. However, what he forgets is that childcare alone would take 1/2 of your paycheck if you returned to work, plus he would really have to step up to the plate and do alot more than he is now around the house and with the kids (hello laundry! hello vacuuming! hello anything else you rarely do!) would make his home life more stressful than he thinks it is now. Having said that, it does help more to address the underlying feeling/problem, let him know how bad that makes you feel, and that you are doing the very best you can just like he feels he is...I know you both work hard, and it's not an easy situation, but you are in it together!


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