Sunday, March 29, 2009

Change, change, chaaaaannnge!!

Ok, so (I start every post that way!!) my sister was less than enthusiastic about her codename (previously Fashionista) so I changed it to....drumroll please (even though you can see it right over there -->) Forget Me Not. She has a notoriously bad memory and beautiful blue eyes (which are the color of Forget Me Not flowers....just in case you didn't know that...cuz I wasn't I looked it up.....and here it is.....ok I'm done here).

Isn't that pretty? And can I get a "whoop, whoop!" since I successfully uploaded my first picture!! :) go me!
So on to other changes in my always eventful, I'm not pregnant, so stop guessing that!! Geez, why, whenever a woman says, "I've got news!" or "we've made a decision" or "our lives will be changing" people automatically assume you're adding a kid?! There are other really big, momentous, cool things that can happen in the life of a woman besides having a kid. And all you mushy hearted chicks, keep your "oh, but nothing compares to a baby!" crap to yourselves, ok?
I was going to attend a college in Baltimore that I'd already graduated from in 2003 to get a 2nd bachelors...well (said modestly) it's actually my third, but I digress...and thought I'd take my boys with me to the school/childcare on campus that runs preschool thru kindergarten classes. But then, like bucket of ice cold water, I discovered the cost was $1800 A MONTH!! Now, we could swing it with my hubby-whose-name-is-to-be-decided's GI bill money....but we've been strapped for so long, do I really want to do that? And then I was looking at an art college in MD for my masters (yeah, Google it, figure it out....) but then I saw they had a BFA in illustration, which included fabulous classes such as Fantasy Art. (for those that know me well...well, what more is there to say except (at the risk of repeating myself): whoop whoop!)
So now I'm thinking, what's the rush? Take your time Lara, take one or two classes at a time at HACC or something, build up your portfolio and apply for transfer to MICA. I wouldn't even NEED my master's at that point! The boys and I would all be local and we wouldn't be out nearly so much money! I would only need a sitter for Batman when I took classes, Prime could ride the bus to kindergarten like he wants....sigh.
I guess I just realized that while NDM would have worked out beautifully for me and it was familiar and would also give us a HUGE childcare bill, triple my gas money needs, and add the stress of having to find a way to pay for a really high private tuition....which we don't need. Right?
Plus, we're trying to get pregnant with our third child.
There I said it.
No joke.
PHHHHTTTTTTTHHHHHT (that's me blowing raspberries at y'all!)

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Things I Feel Are Toned Down....

...but sound really bad coming out of my children's mouths!! (if that is proper grammar!)

1. What the heck?! (or, as Prime likes to say: What the Freaken Heck?!...which, actually, I cannot take credit for and have no idea where he got that from! Seriously! and if I start and trail off with just "What the....?" Batman will finish it for me! lol)
2. I've told you TWO TIMES!!
3. Come here! Right NOW!
4. I'm the boss, Applesauce! (Now I can ask Batman: "WHO's the boss, applesauce?" and he points at me and yells, "You are, Mama!!" Ahhh, I've taught them well! They also know who The Queen** is, thankyouverymuch)
5. No, no, no!!
6. Don't do that!
7. Stop that!!
8. I DID that BECAUSE..... (fill in the blank if you please. Prime loves to use this one, preferably when he's really worked up and screaming, it sounds particularly horrible.)
9. Don't talk to me right now!!
10. Get IN here goddammit!! (Batman repeated this very matter-of-factly the other day and, as many of you know, it's very difficult, when they've been naughty, to keep a straight face. This was one of those times!)

I try so hard not to sound like a sailor around my kids, so I've come up with other phrases I can use, but then, they sound so horrible coming out of my child's 2 year old mouth or my 4 year old's mouth. *sigh* what is there left I can use to vent my emotion, I ask you?! What?! How frustrating!!

** Funny story: So one day, the garage door won't close. All frustrated, I get out to go check and realize one of the sensors was all whacked out. So I fix it and go back to my car, yelling, "Mommy is the Queen!!" as the door whirs closed. We then proceed to go to the farm down the road. At The Farm, they have a whole, um....swarm? A swarm of bees between two pieces of glass. The proprietor is telling the boys some stuff and asks them, "Do you see the queen? Where's the queen?"
My son, without missing a beat says, "Mommy is the Queen!!"

That's my boy!! ;)

Friday, March 27, 2009

I don't have TIME people!!

Ok, I don't have time to write a blog---my hubby is on his way home from week in Alabama (referred to as 'Bama 'round these parts) and kids are waking up from naps and of course, I'm in the dungeon with the Beast.

So here's a funny joke instead. (I know, not as funny as me but almost as feminist...)
(also, check out the list of codenames over there --->)

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews

And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a woman.For the final test, the FBI agents took one of

The men to a large metal door and handed

Him a gun.'We must know that you will follow your

Instructions no matter what the circumstances.Inside the room you will find your wife sitting

In a chair . . . Kill her!!'The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could

Never shoot my wife.'The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man

For this job. Take your wife and go home.'The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was

Quiet for a bout 5 minutes.The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,

But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't

Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the

Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the

Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one

After another. They heard screaming, crashing,

Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was

Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the

Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to

Beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:Women are crazy. Don't mess with them

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Hello. Welcome to Hell. How may I help you?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I have had a helluva day!! And not in a good way! I am typing this on Word Pad for the love of God, what does that tell you?? I'll tell ya what it tells you!....walk with me...

ok, so I start the day with the computer not starting. Doesn't even attempt to boot up. Not a whir, not a sound, not a flicker of light on the little doo-dads on the bottom there that tells you what's on...cuz nothin' was on!!

My laptop was eaten alive from the inside out with viruses. My poor hubby, whom I've yet to nickname, wiped it and reloaded everything. Within a week, it was not functioning again. I give him MY laptop to work on and start using HIS laptop. Within a month, his laptop is just brimming with viruses. Stop looking at me like that. I don't know where they came from, ok? So hubby is totally annoyed with me, to say the least, and he hands me back my old computer, wiped clean for the second time and goes about working on his old one. He can't figure out what is wrong and is still working on it when, a week later, I hand him mine back with a pitiful and pleading expression. My hubby deserves props: he only yelled at me for five minutes. He doesn't have the same stamina for yelling like I do. So, in all his wisdom and kindness, he hands me one of the 2 laptops he brings home from work. This thing is fast and I love it, it's quick, I zip zip zip around the internet. He speaks of buying me a whole new laptop, cuz he doesn't know what site I was on (he may not have yelling stamina, but the man holds a grudge!) he doesn't know what site I was on, but I need some heftier AV (that's anti-virus, for those of you who don't speak computer's a very difficult language to pick up!) And things were going well!! I was writing regularly on it, I was doing internet research for my novel, I started my blog here....until this morning. When apparently I killed it. At least my hubby didn't yell at me this time. No, it was way worse than that.

He just sighed.

So now I'm downstairs on The Beast, the supercomputer on which he plays World of Warcraft (which will be referred to as WoW from now on), that hubby-stealing, brain-mushifier he calls an RPG (that's roll-playing game...are you writing these down? I'm not gonna repeat them later I will just laugh at your confusion). And this damn thing ---he has it so streamlined so it plays his game faster online, it doesn't even have Microsoft Word on it for cryin' out loud!! This is what I've been reduced to!!

Ok, back to my morning. So after my stomach drops when the computer doesn't come on (and some fierce, rapid button pushing and some cursing) I groan and shake my head and move on to making breakfast for four children. (only 2 are mine...that's a whole other blog post!) I go to put frozen waffles in the toaster oven, which I use every single day, and the little light does not come on. I'm checking all sorts of things (my hubby refers to this as "troubleshooting"....another vocab word. There might be a blog later that's just a vocab test, where's your pencil and paper?? well go get it or you'll have to read the whole damn blog over again!) and nothing works!! Get this, I have to climb on a chair to get my toaster down, my 11 year old toaster that's been used maybe twice and is only kept for emergencies such as these. I got this from my HS BFF Angie, cuz I liked my bagels for breakfast then too! And she made sure it had extra wide slots for my bagels! Thanks Ang! ;) Wait, where was I? Oh right the 11 year old toaster. So I toast waffles, get this, TWO AT A TIME!! Not 5 at a time, like I would cram them into my toaster oven. Do you know how long breakfast takes and how cranky kids are when you can only toast 2 waffles at a time?

Well, do you?!!

By snack time, I had finished feeding everyone breakfast.

We go to a large chain store that is not paying me to mention their name (but it is not the one that starts with a "W") and I hem and haw and weep a little, cuz none of them are as good as my old one, not as large inside, doesn't have the right settings. I feel like....I'm being forced to replace my best friend! (I would never do that to you Tamela, even when you couldn't toast my bread anymore....ahem). So I pick this flashy stainless steel one with black accents that can hold a 12" pizza and has a convection oven option. I get my kids Bolt and some educational workbooks (hey, they LIKE doing those, ok??) and my credit card, which I just checked last night and has more than enough credit for a freaken toaster oven and some workbooks, is declined. I was only barely able to refrain from slamming my head into the counter. And when the.....cashier (it was really hard to be polite there) said loudly, "it's been declined!" I also, proudly and with superhuman effort, refrained from punching her squarely in the nose. I could not however, stop the hot blush from creeping up my cheeks. I covered my anger and embarrasment by muttering and fumbling in my purse for my checkcard. I paid and about ran out of there.

I will not go into how I flipped out on the kids in the parking lot because my one lovely adorable child, Optimas Prime, kept twirling out into the middle of the parking lot and my OTHER lovely adorable child, Batman, kept getting into a crouch in the seat of the cart, trying vainly to wriggle out of his restraint.

I get everyone home, car unloaded, child #4 off the bus (whom I shall refer to as Hay-Hay for reasons known only to me), get Hay-Hay off the bus and start setting up the toaster oven. We're having mini-bagels for lunch. The shiny brand-new, freshly washed toaster oven does not work as expected. As a matter of fact. It doesn't work at all. Ok, deep breath. Wipe those tears away, no time for cryin', it won't make the toaster oven work, Lara. So I find myself troubleshooting for the second time today. I'm checking Test buttons on outlets. Nope. I'm flipping switches in circuit breaker box. Nothing. I'm trying EVERY test button I can find in the kitchen/family room combo (forcing the stuck one I find) and THEN I flip every switch in the circuit breaker box related to the kitchen or other attached areas (by the by, the person who labeled our circuit breaker box apparently was a crack-smoking high school drop out who'd hit his head that morning and was barely conscious, because the labels were all scratched out, scribbled on and barely legible!!) I go back into the kitchen (pausing to shriek like a paranoid schizo off her meds at the kids, who were bickering for the 15th time in 5 minutes) and voila! The toaster oven now works.

So does the old one.

Tamela, you're gettin a new-to-you toaster oven chica! ;)

Background Change...again!!

Ok, here is a new background, obviously. I got rid of the little flowers on the sides as you can see (happy Jen? me too! lol) but tried to keep the same color scheme. They have backgrounds for every season too, so I may change it up every now and then, you know, because of my ADD. So, please leave your comments, snide or otherwise, about the background. Then I'll read them later....and laugh. (because it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks anyway! ha! lol)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Me, Trying to Use the Dictionary!!!

WARNING: for immature audiences only!! This will be both crass and more intellectual than my usual fair! :)

So I’m doing research on matriarchal and matrilineal civilizations for my book. I remember hearing in my class Women in U.S. History that there is no documented matriarchal (women-headed), matrilineal (names and property pass from mother to daughter) civilization. Amazon does not count; it is technically a legend or myth. I wanted a concrete quote I could use stating that. I opened a can of worms instead.

So I think I’m gonna start with the definitions of patriarchy and matriarchy. But here’s the weird thing: there is no real, agreed upon definition for matriarchy. Apparently, scholars are actually arguing over the definition! Some are basically saying that patriarchy is defined and just about anything that is NOT a patriarchy can fall under the heading of matriarchy….huh?!

Right, so follow this if you will: Instead of each word having its very own definition, they define the word patriarchy and then simply say that matriarchy is the opposite of that. Kinda vague, don’tcha think? Not only that, I distinctly remember defining some crazy hard vocab words in 7th and 8th grade, and Mrs. Punte strictly forbidding us from using those types of definitions, as they are reliant upon the definition of another word! I believe she referred to it as “a cop out.”

So here’s what I found for matriarchy, in an online (sexist) dictionary:

1 : a family, group, or state governed by a matriarch
2 : a system of social organization in which descent and inheritance are traced through the female line

Please note the lack of the use of such words as “power,” “control” or “dominance,” ‘k? ‘k.

Now, here’s the definition of patriarchy, same website (which shall remain nameless):

1: social organization marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line; broadly : control by men of a disproportionately large share of power
2: a society or institution organized according to the principles or practices of patriarchy

I have emboldened the pertinent words…lest your eyes skim right over them. :) Now (scratching head) why isn’t the definition of matriarchy the same as patriarchy, with a few key words replaced? Why doesn’t it read:

Matriarchy: social organization marked by the supremacy of the mother in the clan or family, the legal dependence (I liked how they added that in) of husbands and children and the reckoning (now there’s a powerful word you don’t hear much outside of a really ragin’ Baptist homily) the reckoning of the descent and inheritance in the female line; broadly: control by women of a disproportionately large share of power

So where the heck is the word that means: women rule? (hehe)

Here it is: gynecocracy. Yeah. Riddle me this: how do you pronounce that?! Yes, go on sound it out. Uh huh, like this: guy-neh-cock-ruh-see. Sooo, let me get this straight; the word that means “political supremacy of women” or “rule by women” has both the root for “gyno,” a word which makes women everywhere shudder, and “cock.” (there’s the crassness. Sorry Mom) AND it is nearly unpronounceable!! I personally think they did this on purpose!

I actually read where linguists and those scholars that decide this sort of thing? They prefer the use of “matrifocal” or “matricentric” OR “matristic.” I don’t see those words making their way into common usage. It also sounds like they are desperate to NOT have “matriarchy” defined as “dominance by women.”


We all know that women rule. The rest is just semantics.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Why is Twilight so darned appealing?!

Well, I've thought about this a lot, as many critics seem totally puzzled by its allure. Let's compare and contrast to a traditional romance novel, shall we? :)

In a traditional romance novel, the girl is weak, either she's a total dizzbang and makes horrible decisions that lead to bad consequences that the guy has to rescue her from. Or she's portrayed as stubborn and that the above STILL happens.

Meanwhile, in every spare moment, the guy, no matter how hot and smoldering, is constantly trying to get down the lead female's pants and she is constantly resisting (but unsure why).
Additionally, said female lead is usually described from among the following pool of adjectives:

blah blah blah
(just checkin to see if you were paying attention!)
likes small animals
likes to sing
a good sweeper perhaps

And while we, as female readers, do our best to relate to the lead female character, sometimes we do get swept away despite the flaws in the story; sometimes our interest is held because we're so disgusted with her and we read on, hoping she'll fall off a cliff or meet some other similarly messy end and put us out of our misery. This way we don't have to "listen" to her whine or groan in despair at her stupidity. And yet, this ding-dong is expected to ensure they either have no sex or safe sex. It's never up to the men. They have "unbridled lust," you know.

In Twilight, for once, we find a girl that goes against the grain with Bella: someone who is flawed and is not the stereotypical male's dream of a female. Bella is smart, mature, clutzy, a good student, honest, thoughtful and empathetic. Did I mention she was a brunette? :) She is also a little on the lusty hormonal teenager side, unlike her male lead....Edward.

Edward Edward Edward....where do I start?

He is a gentleman. He shows restraint people! (and by "people" I really mean men!) and do you know why restraint is sexy? Because the men of this age are NOT encouraged to use it! Between all the objectifying of women (get ready, I'm gearin' up here...) and all the media we are exposed to on a daily (nay, hourly) basis men now have the attention span of a gnat. They are encouraged to get what they want and get it now. So women are encouraged to skip the niceties and show up lookin' smokin' hot (I think that's what the kids are callin' it these days). Even the men who seem like nice guys have an expectation of some ...ehem...payment. Most will deny it, but if they pay for dinner and pick her up and drop her off, show her a nice time, he expects at least a kiss at the end of the first date. (admit it!! at least a kiss!!)

Edward, on the other hand, watched Bella sleep for weeks, protecting her, saving her life for God's sake, and still he didn't kiss her!! That, my friends, shows monumental restraint, which implies maturity. Which is hard to find in guys. (sorry guys!).

It doesn't hurt that Edward is smokin' hot.

Excuse me while I go swoon....

Friday, March 20, 2009

Helping People is Nice but....

So, I'm on Twitter, right? and I'm following Ashton Kutcher (whom I shall now refer to as Ashton, as if we knew each other) and he's all gung ho and idealistic about this Serve America Act.

Here's what it's basically saying: We need volunteers to help get things really rolling in certain areas, like education, helping people in low-income areas, cleaning up communities, etc. You would register with them for a YEAR of service, not unlike AmeriCorp, and serve with nonprofit organizations or the federal government or generally be placed where there is a need, right? And they are looking for young people and retirees in particula, to volunteer their time to help their country run better, more effectively, blah blah blah.

Now, follow me, if you will, through the crazy labyrinth that is my logic.

Don't we already have volunteers who are supposed to be helping move education forward? Whose very job it is to create programs (of which there are already plenty if you ask me!) for low-income people?

They're called Senators, Representatives, sometimes Congressman/woman. They volunteered for those jobs, supposedly to help the people, except THEY GET PAID!! But now, they're like, "hey! Great idea! Let's get the people to do this! We'll dress it up, make it sound like we are coming together as a community, get some celebrities (who already make loads of money and wouldn't be hurt financially to take a year off!!) to back it and BAM! There goes half our workload, easy! We don't have to pay people to help us, see? They want us to cut the budget, this is what we can do! Screw cutting our own salaries, we get the people to do it and better yet, we get them to think it's their idea to help, cuz they're choosing to work--for free!! It's genius!"

Did I mention there was a kicker? Well there is, right in the teeth:

You're to do this for free, for a year, and they are encouraging people from all walks of life and all backgrounds to do this. The idea is you're supposed to put your paying job on hold to go work for the government or a nonprofit.....for free....for a year....HEL-LLOOOOO!! WE'RE IN A RECESSION!! Not only does that not make any sense in the first place, they are pushing this forward when people are struggling! Do you know the percentage of people who are wealthy enough or who have a spouse who makes enough money, that they could volunteer full time for a year without pay? How about the percentage of people who could do that during a recession? anybody? anybody know somebody that could do this?

That's what I thought.

If they want to do something to help our government and our country, instead of asking MORE of the American people, why don't they try volunteering for a year of service to the American people-- without pay? That would probaby help the deficit out a lot! ;)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I'm Twittering and I'm Network Blogged and ...and...I don't really know what I'm doing.

alright, I'm all hooked up on Twitter..I think! lol I don't have internet on my phone, so this will strictly be via the web! I also added an application for Networked Blog, via Facebook, so my blog would get more exposure! :) I'm just going to keep adding and updating Twitter and my group on Facebook, Writer Lara Taylor, in an effort to keep people informed of my book progress....maybe I'll soon post some artwork too! who knows! :)

How “The Little Engine That Could” Perpetuates Gender Stereotypes

So I’m reading the Little Engine that Could to my boys, and I notice something very suddenly: the Little Engine is female. And the two engines that refused to help the clown and toys were both male. Hmmmm…..

I start paying closer attention to what I’m actually reading and notice a few things:

1. The male trains are described as new and shiny and the other as big and tough. The Little Engine is “a small engine. A very small engine, but maybe she can help us.” Only maybe? C’mon. She’s a woman, of course she can help you! And could they get more stereotypical? Me man, me big and strong. You woman, you small and weak. Sexist pig author.

 2. The clown and other toys tell her the children will have nothing if she doesn’t pull the train over the mountain. Well of course! The stupid male trains wouldn’t lift a finger to get the kids fed and make sure they had age-appropriate toys, noooo, it’s assumed the woman will take care of that!

 3. Added bonus: they guilt her into it. How many women are susceptible to guilt trips, especially where children are involved? Raise your hands. How many have guilted yourselves into things because of your children?! Go on, raise your hands. It’s all about the honesty here!

4. The Little Engine immediately doubts herself and lists the reasons why she can’t do the job: she’s never pulled a train before (like that matters!), she only works at the train yard (this is a metaphor for stay at home moms!!) so she’s not sure she can help (the SAHM trying to break back into the work force no less!). Why does she have such low self-esteem I ask you?

5. Both the male trains had no problem telling the clown “no.” The Little Engine hems and haws and tries to list reasons why she can’t do it, but agrees anyway, even though she’s obviously overwhelmed at the thought….sound familiar?

6. She has to work very hard to get the kiddies their crap, I mean, their “toys and good food to eat,” pulling that damn train all night. You know those mean male trains aren’t workin’ all night! Does your husband give you the ol’ “but I have to get up and go to work tomorrow and you don’t” routine at 2am with a puking kid? Typical.

7. Finally, after pulling all night, she makes it over the fricken mountain in time to see the sunrise and for some reason is very pleased with herself. What message is this meant to convey? “That’s right girls, take on way more than you should, work hard and constantly and you can get it all done; there really is such a thing as Supermom! Just look at that Little Engine go! You can too!”

I think I might throw this book out…wouldn’t want my boys (or my daughter) getting any crazy ideas…

This post was picked up by NPR's All Things Considered!!
Click HERE to view the article and listen to the podcast.  If not for some really really crappy message distribution by Facebook, I would have gotten the message with the interview request in a timely fashion.  Thanks, Facebook.  I blame you. 

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Path Has Opened....Ask and You Shall Receive....Knock and the Door Shall be Opened...

I am speechless with excitement!!!


but that's a boring blog post, so I shall tell you what happened! [what a great way to start the day!! :) ]
The universe has apparently seen fit to align and give me all my dreams at once. [warning, I will be way overusing smileys. :) ]

So I called the childcare that is ON CAMPUS, which houses pre-K thru 5's/kindergarten, both school and childcare....but first, a Tangent: Now Batman's birthday is Sept.6th and the cut-off is Sept.1st. I assumed (and we know what happens when you assume: it makes an ass out of u and me!!) but I assumed I wouldn't be able to get him into a preschool (all because of a particularly anal school telling me "no"--it's only ok when I'M anal, it's a pain in my ass when other people pun intended). But the woman at said childcare was fantabulous and lovely and accommodating and I have run out of adjectives. Suffice it to say, BOTH my boys will be going there and they are willing to work with me financially so I can get them paid. She also suggested I check into on-campus jobs, as some pay afford me a tuition break for the childcare.

I now have NO class restrictions, I can take classes whenever, as the school/childcare is open 7:30am-5:30pm. My boys won't be 45 minutes away in PA while I'm in Baltimore (you know, in case of emergency.....yes I am a paranoid freak of a Girl Scout). they'll be right across campus. I can get homework done, or work hours on campus, all with the boys RIGHT THERE!! :)

Can I get a WOOHOOO!??

That's all for now----I gotta go do a happy dance! :)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Ten Things I Hate About My Cat

1. he's a whiner
2. he's persistent
3. he uses a litter box...which someone then has to clean
4. he's so fat he can't groom his back end which makes him
5. gross
6. I know he gets on my furniture while we're sleeping at night, which leads me to another point:
7. he's nocturnal
8. he is always hungry
9. he is always trying to get out a door am I stupid....
10. I hate that I've had him too long to get rid of him!!

Blog Change

Ok, so I've obviously changed my blog background! Let me know what you think! :)


Vegging, sackin’ out, crashing.

I don’t do any of those anymore. Even in bed at night, I’ve got the TV going, my laptop going and a book on my bedside table with a cup of tea and a snack! I mean, seriously, (mental note, add that to list of overused words…) seriously, there could be an earthquake and I’d be fine: I could still get in touch with people via email and facebook and then check my finances while I preserve my family photos on snapfish, content in the knowledge that I’d ordered my groceries to be delivered (someone called and surveyed me on that and I was like hell yes I’d take advantage of a service like that!!!) and already scheduled my car for maintenance.

But when was the last time I laid around in my …comfy clothes (I neurotically cannot stand to be in my pj’s past 9:00am, unless I’m sick!) and watched a marathon of something (paranormal state perhaps?) or back-to-back Lifetime movies, reading a good book during the commercials? (if it were a fantastic book, my TV wouldn’t be on!)

I do what I like to call mini-vegging.

I spend 15-60 minutes doing jack-poopy, several times a day. I flip through a magazine, mindlessly float through cyberspace, including wasting a lot of time on facebook reading flair and bumper stickers…and an equal amount of time sending them to people! (sorry guys!) Then I spend a frantic hour picking up, letting the dogs in, swapping laundry out, fixing a meal or a snack, unloading the dishwasher, letting the dogs out, scrubbing the sink, wiping all the counters, letting the dogs in, yelling at kids, letting Shadow back OUT again (damn dog!!), running mail out to the mailbox only to find that I’ve missed her, running back in, answering the phone, cleaning up a spill and then BANG!

I crash.

I sit and wait for my breathing to slow and do a mini-veg until that all-pervasive Catholic guilt sinks in (it’s not just for church and morality you know!) and I’m up and at ‘em again! I’ve actually had to LEARN to slow down, to not make everything under the sun feel like a priority. I’m talking, self-taught! I mean, I can’t do anything about that electric bill I can’t pay, why obsessively check my online banking as if the money fairy made a deposit while I wasn’t looking? Right? (nobody panic, it’s not that bad! Lol)

My point is, I think my brain and my heart-rate benefit from regular bouts of vegging out. We need it.

And I’m going to go do that….as soon as story time and settling down for naptime are over and I’ve answered a few emails and done a few things for Mary Kay and folded that laundry….

I’ll get to right after that….

As long as that leaning tower of filing isn’t screaming my name, I’ll do it then, I promise…

Monday, March 16, 2009

Just Gettin' the Mail and BAM!! What a Surprise!

So I got the mail today. Here’s what I got:

A late birthday card from Uncle Tim, but with a check in it! (Thanks Uncle Tim…and NO you don’t need to know how much it was for!)

Church envelopes (“the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away”….I’m going to hell in a hand-basket, because we haven’t been to church in a year and I have envelopes in my bill drawer going back six months….it’s sacrilegious to throw them away…especially EMPTY!!)

A new Harper’s Bazaar magazine. (Speaking of “bizarre,” I use their haute couture layouts for inspiration for my clothing for the aliens in my novel! LOL but no, seriously, I love that magazine, you know….otherwise!)

AND….drum roll please….besides some junk mail and a trash bill (yes, as in, I have to PAY someone to come get my trash and then they try to tell me how much waste they are actually going to take away! As in, “no, only three bags, we’re gonna leave that extra bag to fester, we’ll come back and get it next week!” whatever. My neighbor and I refer to it as the “how many bags can we leave out and get the trash man to take” game.)

I am officially (re)accepted to College of Notre Dame of Maryland….as soon as I pay them. Otherwise, my intelligence and obvious talents aren’t enough to hold my spot.

Allow me a brief tangent:

I am so excited I could pee myself like a spastic cocker spaniel. Can you picture it?! I am going to be in an ART STUDIO again! YAY!!! I mean, really, yay doesn’t begin to cover it! The smell of turpentine in the morning, sunlight through the windows, someone telling you to start over because your perspective is all jacked up….I mean, can you sense the excitement here?? I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it, who’s going to get Optimas Prime (that’s my eldest son’s code name) off the school bus, who’s going to watch Batman (son #2’s codename) or how I’m going to pay for THAT, but hey, if it’s the right thing, it will all work itself out, right? ….RIGHT?!! guys?.....guys?....

Welcome One and All

Welcome to LaLa Land!

First of all, I’d like to lay the ground rules/warnings/guarantees.
1. I will way overuse the following words: really, totally, completely….and way.

2. I do have a thesaurus handy, and I enjoy using it, just not for the above words. They will still be way overused.

3. I like to curse. As my BFF Tammy likes to say: Sometimes only a good cuss word will suffice. When you’ve smashed a finger or hurt yourself, yelling “gosh darn it!” just doesn’t cut it. I will either a.) keep it to a minimum or b.) find some really inventive substitutions.

4. I will be using anything and everything for fodder for this, so if you want a codename so people won’t know it’s you, you’d better send it to me quick!

5. I am a feminist. Deal with it.

6. I enjoy the following: Dane Cook, Happy Bunny and sarcasm, as a result, this blog will be heavily laden with all three.

7. I also quote randomly from all types of movies and from my childhood. I’ll try to expand on any cryptic comments I make but….

8. ….the only guarantee I can make is that I’ll be completely inconsistent.

9. I love my children but I will totally make fun of them.

10. And finally, I named this LaLa Land because my first name is Lara and my mom and some of my aunts and uncles called me “LaLa” when I was a kid. I have other nicknames like “Little L” and “Aunt Larla,” which will not be used here.

I will also be using this as a tool to shamelessly self-promote my soon-to-be finished first novel…and by soon, I mean, hopefully by December 2009. Loosely speaking.
You can comment. I may ignore or delete them, depending on my mood, which rules every decision I make.
This is now getting long-winded, so I’m going to wrap it up! Enjoy! L


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