Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I'm Alive! I'm Alive!!

I have not written in forever and really....I have no excuse! Unless you count pregnancy. Yes, at this time, my little ticker over there says 2 days. I went to the doc today and she did what she could to jump-start my labor (measuring 41 weeks at 39 and 5 days people!!) and I think you who have been pregnant know what I mean: I was squirming and gasping while she (deliberately?) was a little rougher than necessary checking my cervix. That was the most painful check EVER. yuck. I've finished my homework so labor may now commence! :)

On the downside, my grandmother, who was very ill, has passed on. Since of course everything happens at once, I am now not able to go to her funeral because I could be going into labor soon (first time the whole pregnancy I wished Morgan would hold off!), which really makes me sad. I hadn't seen her since September, before they returned to FL. She passed away down there, so it still feels really surreal to me.

This is my first moment to myself. I've had a ton of homework this week, working with Photoshop (which I am totally clueless about) so it's been many hours of frantic info gathering and frustrating experimentation. We move on to Illustrator next---but nothing due til Friday, so now....right now, just for this moment, I am taking a mental break. And I've been so wrapped up in school, my mind doesn't even know where to go! But it keeps returning to my grandmother, then drifting to Morgan (those are more.....tense and along the lines of: get out get out get out!!!!) and then more memories of my grandmother surface. I am most sad that she won't get to see Morgan when we were so close to the due date!! She would've been the 7th great-grandchild, 2nd one as a girl. And my cousin just found out she was pregnant, so I can't imagine how she feels.

My grandmother was such a trooper, more than that, she was an aggressive soldier when it came to her health, a tenacious clinger-on to life! I think we are all kind of stunned that's she's gone. I know I am. She was a fixture in our lives! I think I got to the point where I just assumed she'd never die, which sounds facetious, but seriously, it didn't seem to matter how bad she got, she always (always!!) made a come-back. It was almost unbelievable. I sort of dismissed the doctors and their gloomy prognoses---she was Grandma Jewel, she would be fine!!

She is going to be an example to me of perserverence, strength of will, and good humor.
I wish her Godspeed, although I don't think she will need it!
Love you Grandma! We'll miss you!

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