Thursday, July 15, 2010

Yes, that is in fact pee!

So I’m standing in the frozen food section when I feel something wet on my flip-flopped feet. I have the baby in the snugli, so I’m twisting this way and that, looking down, trying to figure out where it’s coming from. You know how, when something incongruous happens, you find your brain coming up with and quickly discarding ideas or solutions? Well, my brain was jumping around like this: wha--? Did I already pull something out of the freezer? Is it leaking? No, I haven’t opened the door yet!! I’m not peeing am I? ummmm, no, nope, it’s not me. The baby! Did I not put a diaper on her this morning?? Did I dress her naked butt?? I pat her behind, no, she’s got a diaper. Brain’s lightening speed conclusion: The baby has overflowed her diaper so much it is steadily leaking on my feet.

This all happened in a matter of seconds mind you.

It’s 1:30pm-ish. We’ve already been across town to return a bunch of (impulse) purchases from the day before to Target, been home to drop it off and pick up the bag of goodies to keep Gabe occupado at the grocery store that I forgot and have been racing steadily through Giant ever since. The baby has not napped in the snugli this time, of course. I have trekked almost all the way across the grocery store like this: baby strapped on to my chest, Gabe in the seat closest to the handle of the cart, Ian in the “car cart” part up front. Gabe has a bag of stuff to do next to him. Ian is playing his PSP. This is the only way to keep the 2 of them secured and not bickering. It does not, however, keep them for asking for everything they see as we move through the aisles. The baby keeps arching her back, kicking frantically and then looking up at me, over and over. I guess I should feel pretty good that she’s not screaming at least (this should have also been a clue to my hunger-fogged brain that she was uncomfortable in her diaper! Duh!). AND, also on the bright side, we are almost done when the diaper overflows.

So I get the last few things I need, almost throwing 2 gallons of milk at Ian up front because we’ve run out of room in the tiny basket----which defies logic! If the damn car cart is technically big enough for 3 kids (2 up front in car, 1 in seat by mom) why would I only be getting enough food for two 80-somethings for a week??---- and fairly race down the aisles back toward the front of the store for check-out. Which is abominably slow, as I’m leaning down by bending only my knees, not my waist, to get things out of the cart. THEN the stupid molded plastic car Ian’s in is so big, if I pull it right up to the conveyor belt, I can’t get around it to get back to the basket part to reach my groceries. The whole snugli thing works beautifully up to this point. Then it sucks.

It is at this point that Gabe starts whining about how much he would reeeeealllly like to get out of the seat of the cart. I handle it like the mature adult I am: “No……uh-uh……nope... you’re not getting out so stop asking me…..NOOOOOOOO………..NO!.....Gabe, sit down!!” Then Ian says, “Mom, I have to pee!” I growled. “You’re going to have to hold it! I’m almost done,” I tell him, trying to pick up the pace of my living statue imitation unloading groceries onto the belt. He’s totally puzzled by this: “Why?” I’m finally exasperated, “Because E, I have most of the cart unloaded onto the belt and there are people behind me and I still have to pay! Am I supposed to leave all this and run you to the bathroom and back??” He ponders this. “Oh,” he says. Oh, indeed my little Ian.

We get the whole cart unloaded, checked out, re-loaded and then un-loaded again into the car. (and by “we” I really mean “me.”) That’s when I realize I didn’t pay for the two milks that are staying me in the face, which were sitting with Ian in the car cart. I am now officially a thief, as I don’t even debate running all the way back in. All I can think of is Morgan’s wet outfit and how she’s sitting in it in her carseat. I’ve got to get home. It’s like a metronome in my head---get home, change the baby, get home, home, home, hurry, home, hurry, home.

I get home and get the car unloaded, then the individual bags unloaded. Ian lets the dog out then races for the bathroom (which I almost forgot about!....He makes it, in case you were worried!). I dump the raw ground beef I bought into the skillet to brown for sloppy joes for dinner. I take the baby up, pull off her nasty diaper and bathe her. I call the boys up. Baths? Check! I race downstairs to the smell of some seriously cooked ground beef and put it in the crock pot. Rolls defrosted? Check! Herbs and other nummies to make it taste good? Check! Tomato sauce? Not so much. And JUST at the store….I don’t need to go there with you, you know the routine! I add some ketchup and a huge can of tomato paste. Hey, I’m not driving back up there!!  FINALLY, at 2:30pm, I’m just making lunches for my kids. I know, but hey, I won’t have to give them baths later!!

I am supposed to take them to the library at 6:30pm (well, that’s when it starts!) for the Reptile Man (leaning over, getting camera before short term memory shorts out….). I still have to do my homework assignment for today (although that looks like fun!) and have another due tomorrow. Reptile guy, sloppie joe sammies (since we had lunch so late!!), pj’s and BED, followed by a shower for mommy and finishing up homework, and let’s face it, the chances of me finishing an assignment before we leave are like, slim to none!

Alright, off to hit the books!


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